There is always someone who has your back…

even if it is the energy surrounding you. You are never alone, even though you may feel like it. Situations arise and often we feel that there is no one who will support us through it, but the fact is, we don’t need someone to support us through it. If we just work hard through it, put good energy out about it (whether an outcome, or getting out of, or a gentle goodbye), we will find ourselves on the other side of it without needing anyone else.

Now that isn’t to say having someone else there would be nice. We all know that does not always happen though. The emotions and energy we feel when someone is there however, are things we can draw on for ourselves when we feel alone. That sense of support, companionship, trust, relief that there is someone who can help us…those are all things that can come from within, from the energy around us, and from our own wants and desires.

I am about to embark on some new adventures that I hope bring me to a place of peace, financial freedom, and travel ability. Right now I teach High School…that does not lend itself to any of those. This is the first time I have actually put it out there. I haven’t said anything to anyone as I begin taking classes and learning some new things, and I am working through my Brendon Burchard #hpxlife and the new planner that I just received. With these tools in my life I am hoping to find the energy, the dedication, and the intention to be the best me, with better goals.

Even if I find myself not being able to accomplish it all, I know that the learning I am going to be doing will benefit me where I am at. No matter what I win, I move forward, and I become a better me. This is all I can ask for, moving forward to a better me; the rest will fall into place around me as it is supposed to.

Today’s The Universe has Your Back card: The Universe Has MY Back

Intention: Trust that is will work the way it should

Personal Reflection: “Feeling alone/exposed is something we’ve all felt at some point. Not always, but vulnerable, attacked, or just left to face life with no help. This is a reminder that you are never truly alone. There is a greater energy, a greater being around us who, who always has us covered. Trusting that we are where we need to be when we need to be there is important. So is being open, receptive and willing to listen to what is being offered. The Universe has my back, it is time to grow, to shine, to be the best me, and let the rest go by the wayside.”

Healing is a Process

I haven’t pulled a card yet for today. I’m going to…and I’ll add it to the post before I publish. I wanted to just get a few thoughts down before I did anything else. It has not been easy. It has also only been a few days, even though we knew about 12 hours before the real decline that it was coming. I was able to process and be calm, call on the spirits to help him cross peacefully, and to bring healing energy to my husband and I and the house before it even happened. Even with my own beliefs, my own brand of processing, I realized late last night that you still have to grieve. My husband broke down as we were going to sleep, finally able to cry and let go some. This morning I saw that he was able to say thank you on the FaceBook post he had made, the first time he had even looked at it. This morning he texted me at work to say that he was “good”, and he even stopped and got himself coffee at Dutch Bros since they are doing a drive for the Davis Officer that was killed. It was nice to see/hear/read that he was doing a few normal things. This doesn’t mean we aren’t sad, it doesn’t mean we don’t still look for what is missing, but I am glad that he isn’t sitting on the couch not getting up anymore. To heal you have to accept, and begin to live each day differently. I think we are finally going to be able to start that…

What this means for me is that I will be able to begin the process. I went back to work right away, and needed to take care of them and be strong. When he goes to work this weekend, I will be able to allow myself to recognize the hole and the whole of what has happened.

I do feel derailed. I am still waiting on my High Performance planner to arrive, and with this as well I feel like I have been set back in my goals, my progress. I looked at the checklist on the whiteboard this morning and even the everyday tasks haven’t been done. Time to take charge again, and to allow myself the feelings, but not allow them to dictate my life.

I have enrolled in a course on how to be a life coach. It is self-paced, and I want to find the time to be able to get to it. I have my tasks for Sacred Mists that I need to finish up, and work on my 3rd Degree Course so that I can earn that title as well. I have plans, and none of them involved being stagnate or living in a house where the daily tasks fall by the wayside. Need to get things done…processes can take a while, but you can’t just sit and wait for them to be done.

I bought two new tarot decks that arrived at the beginning of the week, and I haven’t even opened them. Something I need to do…for me. I know what great things the weekend has in store for me. I am ready to get to them. I know that I am allowed to grieve, I also know that I can’t allow it to be all consuming, for any of us. Time to sage the house, burn some cleansing candles, and begin the process of moving forward.

Today’s The Universe Has Your Back card: I find a deeper meaning and personal growth amid the discomfort.

Intention: I will embrace the feelings and move forward

Personal Reflection: Of course. I don’t even know w hey I’m surprised anymore. I do this everyday, pretty much, and I’m still surprised when it happens, almost everyday. As we go through painful experiences, recognizing that they help us grow, become more empathetic, and allow us new opportunity to create what we need in our lives is very important. Don’t run from the pain, grow in a healthy, positive way.

We are what we expect…

Yep…what we put out there, is usually what we can expect to get back. That sucks on those bad days, or those emotional days. We never know what it is going to look like. And trying to hold it in, well that doesn’t work either, cause energy doesn’t stay encased.

This isn’t the post I was expecting either on Monday or Today. I will be back tomorrow. We had to let our English Mastiff go over the rainbow yesterday and it is taking a few days of adjustment and to grieve. I promise, tomorrow…

I Control My Perspective

What I see, how I see it, what is makes me feel/think, that is all within my control. There is nothing buy my own thoughts, feelings, and look on the world that tells me how to see something, except of course when I allow those things to jade me. We often want others to tell us what they see, or to let us know when we see something different. The problem with that is that it can skew our own perception, influencing us to see things that aren’t there, or that aren’t accurate.

When we rely on our own instincts, on our beliefs to show us what is out there we are much better for it. This is how we can control the perspective from which things come at us, or with which we handle things thrown at us. If I want to be angry and negative when something changes, that is a choice I make, and yet I can also choose to handle it with grace and positivity, depending on how I choose to look at it. Do I see it as an obstacle that is unsurmountable, or rather a detour which is going to allow me to see something new and different altogether? Those are choices we make. Those are things we are in command of.

My belief in The Universe as energy and growth from all things being connected, means that I should be choosing to see what is truly there, and not just what I am being shown. Yet often I am clouded in how I view things. I allow the perceptions of others, the “truth” of what my eyes show me, to cloud what is there, rather than relying on why my instincts are saying, or closing my eyes and allowing the energy to tell me what is really going on.

This is an area of growth for me. Something I am promising to do, especially in my day job. Often times I glance over a classroom full of teenagers and I see…teenagers. That means I am missing the kid who didn’t get breakfast, or the one who just had a nasty breakup. I need to be controlling the perspective and trusting the energy that is being shown, if I open myself to it.

Today’s The Universe Has Your Back card: When I lean on certainty and faith I change my mind about the world I see.

Intention: I will trust the Universe to show me what I need to see.

Personal Reflection: “I need to work on opening my mind to seeing beyond what my eyes are showing me. There is so much more and if I rely only on my eyes I will miss what I should be focusing on. As I am listening to meditations while I drive I have discovered my commute is faster and easier, because my eyes are not the only thing seeing. Trusting the energy to guide my “seeing” will help me all areas of growth.

Starting on the New Journey

With any journey there are multiple paths to choose from. Ahead of us lie those paths as they do every new year. I start this way every year, and every year I forget that I am in charge. I allow others, or circumstances, or things to get in the way of the journey, so I never even finish the path, starting at the beginning having not accomplished anything.

Today’s card was “I am the dreamer of my dream”. Never did anything fit my morning conversations, my own thoughts and feelings, and the card reminded me that I need to make sure to keep it going. I am the dreamer…and yet I allow others to control that, why? What makes it so easy to give up being the person in charge? Do I not want the responsibility or am I afraid of accepting the consequences? Those are not things I shirk in my life, so that can’t really be the thing.

I think I am afraid of the outcome being positive. Don’t we always look to self-sabotage? I think my self-sabotage is relinquishing control of where my life goes. So, this new journey, for me, it will be about remembering who is the Dreamer of my dream.

Card: I am the dreamer of my dream

Intention: My journey is only what I limit it to.

My personal thought: What an apropos card as Lady Lilyth and I were just talking and texting about this very thing. Change is within you, depends on your motivation, your inspiration, your dream. The biggest part is to celebrate even incremental changes. As the dreamer, being aware of even the smallest forward movement is important, so you’d an continue to celebrate your dream progress, reach further beyond what you were thinking as each small step moves your journey.

End of the Year Reflections…

I have this amazing friend, her name is Lady Lilyth. She is always introducing me to new ideas, deities, and things. She recently introduced me to The Universe Has Your Back, a deck of intention cards from Hay House (Find Gabrielle Bernstein’s stuff here). Well…they are more like reminder cards, but she had this great idea of turning each card that she drew into an intention. I loved it so much, that as I start this deck, I am going to borrow her idea.

As I go through the last weekend in 2018 I am realizing that I didn’t follow through on much of anything. I got a good start on a lot of things, but then I let them go. As I was thinking this and reflecting on the things that were great, but also on the things that really could have been better, I pulled the card “I do whatever it take to get closer to consciousness.” I laughed. I had a lot of good starts at this for the 2018 year, but I never let myself quite get there. For a reflection card it was amazing.

As I tried to turn it into an intention I wondered what for. I mean this was my reflection pull and so why did I need an intention? This caught me for a second, and catches me again as I type. Isn’t this the whole problem I faced for 2018? Why bother? Is it worth it? What is the gain from it? I realized as I was reflecting, I was following the same pattern I had been for the whole year. I do not intend for that to happen again this year. I am going to be better…even if I have to kick my own ass to do it.

So the Reflection Intention I came up with is “Whatever it takes, I will move closer to consciousness”. I am not going to allow myself to fail. That is what has happened in the past. Perhaps I have blamed others, or never even analyzed why something didn’t happen or work the way I anticipated. Not this time. This time I am moving myself forward, one small step at a time.

Here were my rambling thoughts on what I had pulled:

This is something I though of doing often, but did not make big enough steps towards. Most times giving up on myself,or not believing I could before anything could even manifest. I am good at beginning, bad at following through. There were some amazing moments in 2018 that got lost or lost momentum simply because I let them. This is my reminder that I can, will, and shall achieve what I want in 2019.

I have the Dragontree DreamBook and Planner for this year, I am working on my body through Pilates with Robin at the Balanced Life and with OmDaily and their 21 Day Goddess Workout and I am cleaning not just my room but sorting clothes, things, shoes and getting sacred space back into my life, something that has been missing as I have given up on accomplishing anything. This time next year, my biggest goal, is to be saying I accomplished all of this, plus whatever come after. I do not, and will not, be typing that I am doing all of these same things over again because I quit, but rather that I have reordered, or am doing something again because it worked!

Monday is as Monday does!

Yep, we have arrived at Monday.  I have discovered that Mondays come with their own unique set of issues.  One that I discovered today, language.  My seniors were finishing up their presentations.  Friday they had amazing presentations, great speech patterns, despite being nervous, and no language slippage.  Today…well let’s just say I had some great presentations that received poor marks due to poor speaking, inappropriate language, and slang!!!! Yes, slang in a formal presentation and project.  *sigh*

I know that the world is different for those who are younger, I teach high school and have for many, many years.  However, I also believe that if you are given a set of instructions, time to work in the classroom where questions can be answered by both the facilitator and those working around you, you should be able to create something according to those directions. Maybe I am just out of touch, but last time I checked, if I am asked to do something a specific way and I don’t, there are consequences.

After several false starts today, my students finally realized I was going to make them do their presentation until they met the guidelines, or they were taking a loss in points.  Most opted to re-do their presentations.  Some however, were content to just take a loss in points.  The understanding of why putting the work in to do something right, simply didn’t compute for them.

I ended up having to put a happy blend into the diffuser for my own soul.  In addition, I took several small trips to the outside so that I could let go of the frustration.  I took in the cool, crisp air and let go of the feelings building inside.  I have to realize I have done what I can, and continue to offer them the chance to grow and learn.  If they choose not to take the chance given, there is not much I can do about it.  Thank goodness I have a great green space right outside of my classroom door.  I can ground, center and come back in ready to tackle the next thing.

This weekend I accomplished nothing and it felt wonderful.  Today marks the beginning of a new week, and a new start.  I am going to stay the positive route, keep my mind and body moving forward and find some new blends and mixes for the diffuser.  Lavender and immune are still going at home as hubby still isn’t well, but I will be back soon with something new!

Today’s Tarot: Eight of Pentacles – Slow, steady work…labor intensive but commit with a sincere effort.