I haven’t pulled a card yet for today. I’m going to…and I’ll add it to the post before I publish. I wanted to just get a few thoughts down before I did anything else. It has not been easy. It has also only been a few days, even though we knew about 12 hours before the real decline that it was coming. I was able to process and be calm, call on the spirits to help him cross peacefully, and to bring healing energy to my husband and I and the house before it even happened. Even with my own beliefs, my own brand of processing, I realized late last night that you still have to grieve. My husband broke down as we were going to sleep, finally able to cry and let go some. This morning I saw that he was able to say thank you on the FaceBook post he had made, the first time he had even looked at it. This morning he texted me at work to say that he was “good”, and he even stopped and got himself coffee at Dutch Bros since they are doing a drive for the Davis Officer that was killed. It was nice to see/hear/read that he was doing a few normal things. This doesn’t mean we aren’t sad, it doesn’t mean we don’t still look for what is missing, but I am glad that he isn’t sitting on the couch not getting up anymore. To heal you have to accept, and begin to live each day differently. I think we are finally going to be able to start that…
What this means for me is that I will be able to begin the process. I went back to work right away, and needed to take care of them and be strong. When he goes to work this weekend, I will be able to allow myself to recognize the hole and the whole of what has happened.
I do feel derailed. I am still waiting on my High Performance planner to arrive, and with this as well I feel like I have been set back in my goals, my progress. I looked at the checklist on the whiteboard this morning and even the everyday tasks haven’t been done. Time to take charge again, and to allow myself the feelings, but not allow them to dictate my life.
I have enrolled in a course on how to be a life coach. It is self-paced, and I want to find the time to be able to get to it. I have my tasks for Sacred Mists that I need to finish up, and work on my 3rd Degree Course so that I can earn that title as well. I have plans, and none of them involved being stagnate or living in a house where the daily tasks fall by the wayside. Need to get things done…processes can take a while, but you can’t just sit and wait for them to be done.
I bought two new tarot decks that arrived at the beginning of the week, and I haven’t even opened them. Something I need to do…for me. I know what great things the weekend has in store for me. I am ready to get to them. I know that I am allowed to grieve, I also know that I can’t allow it to be all consuming, for any of us. Time to sage the house, burn some cleansing candles, and begin the process of moving forward.
Today’s The Universe Has Your Back card: I find a deeper meaning and personal growth amid the discomfort.
Intention: I will embrace the feelings and move forward
Personal Reflection: Of course. I don’t even know w hey I’m surprised anymore. I do this everyday, pretty much, and I’m still surprised when it happens, almost everyday. As we go through painful experiences, recognizing that they help us grow, become more empathetic, and allow us new opportunity to create what we need in our lives is very important. Don’t run from the pain, grow in a healthy, positive way.